Noob of the Month - IKMTY

Since I’m coming back with new ideas and hopefully new information I’m starting up something that’s been on the back burner for sometime. Since I have idle “writing time” here is the first installation in our “Noob of the Month” special.


You know him, you hate him, you’ve probably already ignored him. We are proud to present our ode to the...

I Know More Than You Noob – AKA IKMTY

More often than not people see a noob as someone who just doesn’t have the foggiest clue as to WTF they are doing. You’ve seen him before. He’s that warrior in cloth, or the mage who is attacking you with a dagger. He’s the guy who spends 1k on a Broken I win Button, and then spends the next month trying to fix it. If you’ve played WoW long enough you’ve run into your fair share of noobs I’m sure.

I want to discuss the most annoying of all noobs, also the king of noobs far and wide, the “I-know-more-than-you” noob. You’ll most often find this noob answering questions in trade chat. He can be found in pugs most frequently though.

The “I-know-more-than-you” noob, or IKMTY (pronounced IKE-MIGHTY), will always reveal himself during boss fights. If you suspect someone might be an IKMTY then the 100% fool proof test is to ask them how to beat a boss that might require SOME strategy.

Case in point.

The ToC instance first boss fight once you have dismounted them, you run into a Shamman (re:healer), warrior, mage combo.

Now I’m sure immediately you said, kill the healer first and foremost then pick another to nuke, probably the warrior because of his bladestorm. To most people this comes instinctually; to a noob this is as foreign as a French cowboy riding a Harley to an apple pie eating contest.

To test the noob ask him, “Hey who should we go after first and why?” If the response is anything other than “the shaman because he heals” you are dealing with a noob.

Now the difference between a regular run of the mill noob and an IKMTY noob is that the regular noob will sound something like this

Reg. Noob response – “uh, hmm, I’m not to sure, how about the mage because he can CC”

The IKMTY Noob will respond with authority, he’ll respond with conviction, he’ll respond with a solid concrete plan that sounds logical but who’s foundation is rooted in the deepest, stickiest, most disgusting pile of BS you’ll ever bare witness too.

The IKMTY Noob response – “Well you see we’re going to have to kill the mage first because of his CC abilities, mages are scary and this particular gnome mage is of the scariest variety. Someone is going to have to CC the warrior and let’s have the hunter’s pet tank the Warrior while we’re at it and then let’s use the warlock’s succ to seduce the healer. We should also spread out and if possible get out of range of our healer.”

When you attempt to tell him that’s not going to work he’ll often say “trust me, I’ve done it before”, often with a smug ass attitude that says “I KNOW MORE THAN YOU”

In noob speak the phrase “trust me, I’ve done it before,” is code for ”OMG I don’t have enough time to ALT+Tab to google this shyt, let me just make some stuff up.”

Another variation of “trust me, I’ve done it before” is “we’ll be alright as long as well do it exactly like I said”. If you hear these words you’re pretty much fukked.

The IKMTY noob also likes to “theorycraft” in his spare time. He’s the guy that when someone says in trade chat:

“What’s better for warriors, crit or strength and what’s the hit cap”

Response:
“You want to gem for Spirit to help your health regen, crit and strength only take you so far you can’t attack if you’re dead right? Hit caps is just under 45, TRUST ME, I’ve run my own tests”

Sometimes the IKMTY will even add a “dumb noob” at the end often in an attempt to throw people off the trail. When someone tries to call him out on his “theorycrafting” the IKMTY will again reach deep into his endless bag of “nega-knowledge” (this is like anti-matter but it’s KNOWLEDGE’s antithesis) and pull out some more gems tying everything together. Most people simply ignore him at this point. But for the true noob the IKMTY is like a guild leader. In fact some of you might have had the pleasure of joining a guild with an IKMTY leader, for some strange reason the IKMTY breed tends to gravitate towards power or assumed power and when respectable power cannot be attained they will “create” power by forming their own guild. If you find you’ve wiped 8 times in VC or wailing caverns chances are you’re being lead by an IKMTY.

Nomorenoob would like to salute the IKMTY for providing us with entertainment, YES, we are talking about you behind your back, NO we are not laughing with you, YES you are now ignored, NO I don’t have gold you can “borrow” for your repair bill.

Here’s to you IKMTY, may I happen upon you in a BG (I’d say arena but I’m more than positive you’ll never make it to 80)

Share your personal storys involving IKMTY...